Sober Punchlines Often The Butt Of Drinking Jokes

I’m stone-cold sober, what do you recommend?

Police? There’s a sober guy here who’s annoying the other patrons.

Drinking Jokes & Quotes With Sober Punchlines

A ship’s first mate gets drunk on some of the rum aboard the boat. The captain saw him intoxicated the night before and in the morning when he sobered up showed him the entry he wrote into the ship’s log: “The first mate was drunk tonight.”

“Captain, please remove that from the log book or it could affect my ability to assume command someday.” ~ first mate

“The log must accurately reflect the events.” ~ captain

Days later when the first mate was in charge of the log, he entered: “Everything is in ship shape. The captain was sober today.”

See what the tugboat captain was doing during the night.

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“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” - Ernest Hemingway (author of book and drink named death in the afternoon)

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“I can’t diagnose your symptoms. Might be from drinking.” ~ doctor

“OK, then I’ll come back later when your sober.” ~ patient

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An Irishman walks out of a bar .. sober.

Also the butt of more drinking jokes in Plato and a Platypus Walk Into A Bar and from comedian Mitch Hedberg as one sentence punchlines.

(sobering cartoons by Joseph Mirachi and Frank Cotham via the New Yorker)